Its been a long time since a have really updated this thing. Anything that has been entered on these pages recently has been phrases or quotes, bullshit, fragmented, quixotic entries really. I have been home since monday for 4 weeks of winter break. Already there were times in which I've been bored out of my mind as well as entertained. I had the pleasure of finishing up the 6 video Pride & Prejudice box set with Bobby Cressey this week, which is by far the best version of Pride Prejudice I've seen. This collection is where the at times, rabid crush on Colin Firth was conceived. I also had the pleasure of seeing Syriana with the dear Tj Tallie today, which I enjoyed immensely. The movie was poignant and thought provoking, though it was a heavy subject indeed. Thus, I have frequented the whole San Pedro/ Harbor City/ Rancho Palos Verde area a great deal within the past few days, hence I'm a tad sick of driving. While I love the company of these fine folks that I adore and who are by far some of my favorites from UCSD, I am still lacking the quality time that I would like to spend with my friends of the hometown. I'm sure soon I will finally get this time that I am yearning for.
I will be taking a 4 day vacation to Arizona and New Mexico through which I will be visiting places such as the white sand desert and the Carlsbad Caverns. I'm tentative on my thoughts of this vacation, but I think a change of scenery with my parents and myself will do us all a little good. Sometimes during the holiday season, everyone gets sentimental, especially with the onslaught of ornaments from christmas pasts. Though cherished, they are bittersweet. I hate questions about my sister, but I know it is necessary because it is from those who care, and for that I am immensely greatful. The truth is, whenever I get a question, it always causes an unpredictable rise of emotions. Sometimes it is sadness, other times its anger. Yet at all times I attempt to cover it up with indifferent annoyance. At night since I now have a room to myself, it is completely silent. Thus, I have time to ponder how many saw right through me.
I feel I should study for my MCAT, but I'm afraid to discover how much I've forgotten. There now, perhaps the vulnerability that I have put forth in the entry has made up for any mask that I put on earlier in my life. Its a paradox how I can at times completely have my heart on my sleave and then at other times I can be a manequin in a shop window. I guess it comes down to how secure I am feeling at the moment, because in the end we are all somewhat self conscious at all times. It is merely the level of self consciousness that varies in accordance with your surrounding, your mood, and with whom you are spending time with.
I see children every where I go and they inspire me because they remind about how life's simple pleasures are what makes life living. Cliche as it sounds, it is entirely true. Phone calls from friends, the gentle brush of my cheek by the hand of a parent saying "I love you my dear daughter", and a meaningful hug are some of the many things that relay to me, yes this is your life and God is showing you its ok, because he still loves you.